July172014
phantasmoeldiablo:

Instead of wasting time working towards the banning of firearms, the effeminate flora of which our government is comprised should focus on squashing the music that has been invading the airwaves and stereos across this ailing land.
Science has virtually proven that all of the crimes committed in these modern times are the result of the influence of “rock and roll.”  This wicked jungle music has secured a hypnotic hold over the weak, undeveloped minds of today’s teenagers, creating snarling, disobedient fiends who swear allegiance only to the caveman beat of this shocking musical fad.
If we wish to return this country to the dignified utopia it was in times sadly past, then it is our singular duty to eradicate – at every opportunity – the savage compositions created by the lewd and unwashed ghouls of the music industry.

phantasmoeldiablo:

Instead of wasting time working towards the banning of firearms, the effeminate flora of which our government is comprised should focus on squashing the music that has been invading the airwaves and stereos across this ailing land.

Science has virtually proven that all of the crimes committed in these modern times are the result of the influence of “rock and roll.” This wicked jungle music has secured a hypnotic hold over the weak, undeveloped minds of today’s teenagers, creating snarling, disobedient fiends who swear allegiance only to the caveman beat of this shocking musical fad.

If we wish to return this country to the dignified utopia it was in times sadly past, then it is our singular duty to eradicate – at every opportunity – the savage compositions created by the lewd and unwashed ghouls of the music industry.

June152014
phantasmoeldiablo:

Despite what the insufferably liberal media would have you believe, the pinky is the most masculine finger.
Those of us who have taken the time to conduct proper scientific research understand that digitus minimus manus is no fey, extraneous appendage, but rather the most likely candidate to successfully win revenge against any villain who would kill and dismember its host (through weird and supernatural means, of course).
Neither judge a book by its cover nor a finger by its dainty appearance.

phantasmoeldiablo:

Despite what the insufferably liberal media would have you believe, the pinky is the most masculine finger.

Those of us who have taken the time to conduct proper scientific research understand that digitus minimus manus is no fey, extraneous appendage, but rather the most likely candidate to successfully win revenge against any villain who would kill and dismember its host (through weird and supernatural means, of course).

Neither judge a book by its cover nor a finger by its dainty appearance.

June142014
phantasmoeldiablo:

The Perseid Meteor Shower, though indeed a magnificent sight, is not the result of “space rocks” or any other fantastical folderol sprung from the overactive imaginations of scientists who should know better.
You see, thousands of years ago, when dinosaurs walked the earth — during the period formally referred to as the Era of Thunder Lizards — the atmosphere was much heavier. This heavy atmosphere was such that, when flying dinosaurs known as pteranodons ascended above the light/heavy barrier — the point where the heavy atmosphere bordered the vacuum of space — they would find themselves unable to maneuver due to a lack of gaseous mass against which their leathery wings could push for propellation and so they would invariably die of suffocation. Due to the heavy nature of earth’s atmosphere, the corpses of these weird beasts were air-buoyant and thusly unable to fall crashing back to earth.
As our atmosphere has thinned out over time — a quite natural occurrence I assure you — and they enter the final stages of a decaying orbit, the desiccated remains of these pteranodons are now able to return to the planet from which they unintentionally departed long ago.
The Perseid showers are the flaring up and flaming out of these creatures. Truly, this is much more remarkable than the vague and irrational notion of stones from outer space, don’t you agree?

phantasmoeldiablo:

The Perseid Meteor Shower, though indeed a magnificent sight, is not the result of “space rocks” or any other fantastical folderol sprung from the overactive imaginations of scientists who should know better.

You see, thousands of years ago, when dinosaurs walked the earth — during the period formally referred to as the Era of Thunder Lizards — the atmosphere was much heavier. This heavy atmosphere was such that, when flying dinosaurs known as pteranodons ascended above the light/heavy barrier — the point where the heavy atmosphere bordered the vacuum of space — they would find themselves unable to maneuver due to a lack of gaseous mass against which their leathery wings could push for propellation and so they would invariably die of suffocation. Due to the heavy nature of earth’s atmosphere, the corpses of these weird beasts were air-buoyant and thusly unable to fall crashing back to earth.

As our atmosphere has thinned out over time — a quite natural occurrence I assure you — and they enter the final stages of a decaying orbit, the desiccated remains of these pteranodons are now able to return to the planet from which they unintentionally departed long ago.

The Perseid showers are the flaring up and flaming out of these creatures. Truly, this is much more remarkable than the vague and irrational notion of stones from outer space, don’t you agree?

(via phantasmoeldiablo)

June132014
phantasmoeldiablo:

The death knell of our nation of proper ladies and gentlemen shall, I fear, soon begin to toll. For confirmation of this sad truth, one need only stare into the lunatic eyes of the savage “pot” smoker; murderous sub-humans who gleefully slaughter any who stand in the way of their “fix,” these long-haired abominations are quickly corrupting the moral center of this once noble land.  The hippie scourge is a “flower-powered” curse upon all that is decent and good, and lest we begin a series of druggie hangings forthwith, all that good people hold dear and holy shall be lost, irretrievably, forevermore.

phantasmoeldiablo:

The death knell of our nation of proper ladies and gentlemen shall, I fear, soon begin to toll. For confirmation of this sad truth, one need only stare into the lunatic eyes of the savage “pot” smoker; murderous sub-humans who gleefully slaughter any who stand in the way of their “fix,” these long-haired abominations are quickly corrupting the moral center of this once noble land.

The hippie scourge is a “flower-powered” curse upon all that is decent and good, and lest we begin a series of druggie hangings forthwith, all that good people hold dear and holy shall be lost, irretrievably, forevermore.

3PM
phantasmoeldiablo:

Don’t be foolish and fear some horrible Wellsian encounter taking place during the upcoming robotic Mars expedition. As someone very familiar with science, I can tell you that the matter of which you should truly be anxious is the violent shattering of the red planet when the rocket lands.  You see, it is my contention– based upon shrewd scientific acumen – that Mars is hollow, much like a balloon or a skull one might find in the desert, and, as its surface shell consists of a thin veneer of calcified iron, it will be reduced to splinters and shards at the slightest impact. Had it not been for the powerful atmospherics that surround the planet and shield it from meteors, it would have been obliterated thousands of years ago when it was just beginning to form.  It is the frailty of the thing that should have you trembling, for when it’s gone – in a massive whoosh and cloudy dissolution, much like a disturbed mushroom spore – the rotation of the Earth shall be skewed awry, causing, I surmise, much distress and all manner of destruction across our beloved world.

phantasmoeldiablo:

Don’t be foolish and fear some horrible Wellsian encounter taking place during the upcoming robotic Mars expedition. As someone very familiar with science, I can tell you that the matter of which you should truly be anxious is the violent shattering of the red planet when the rocket lands.

You see, it is my contention– based upon shrewd scientific acumen – that Mars is hollow, much like a balloon or a skull one might find in the desert, and, as its surface shell consists of a thin veneer of calcified iron, it will be reduced to splinters and shards at the slightest impact. Had it not been for the powerful atmospherics that surround the planet and shield it from meteors, it would have been obliterated thousands of years ago when it was just beginning to form.

It is the frailty of the thing that should have you trembling, for when it’s gone – in a massive whoosh and cloudy dissolution, much like a disturbed mushroom spore – the rotation of the Earth shall be skewed awry, causing, I surmise, much distress and all manner of destruction across our beloved world.

(via phantasmoeldiablo)

2PM
phantasmoeldiablo:

Having recently dismissed the gardener for stealing compost, I was forced to endure the task of mowing the lawn.  

Sadly, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I might have, as the noise of the mowing machine drowned out the bleating of the grass as each blade was shorn in two.

phantasmoeldiablo:

Having recently dismissed the gardener for stealing compost, I was forced to endure the task of mowing the lawn.

Sadly, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I might have, as the noise of the mowing machine drowned out the bleating of the grass as each blade was shorn in two.

June122014
phantasmoeldiablo:

I do not eat olives — they’re far too Roman for my gentlemanly sensibilities.  I do, however, enjoy the moderate consumption of olive oil.

I hope this isn’t a sign of encroaching moral decay.

phantasmoeldiablo:

I do not eat olives — they’re far too Roman for my gentlemanly sensibilities. I do, however, enjoy the moderate consumption of olive oil.

I hope this isn’t a sign of encroaching moral decay.

9PM
phantasmoeldiablo:

I care not at all if a woman wishes to wear trousers, or drive automobiles, or even smoke cigarettes and drink brandy.  I do not, however, believe that ladies should indulge in the eating of bacon.

phantasmoeldiablo:

I care not at all if a woman wishes to wear trousers, or drive automobiles, or even smoke cigarettes and drink brandy. I do not, however, believe that ladies should indulge in the eating of bacon.

2PM
phantasmoeldiablo:

I once witnessed an individual who could, at will, join and then separate two brass rings, all without breaking them.  Additionally, thrice I observed him making a bouquet of flowers appear out of thin air.
Of course we hanged him for his sorcery, but my what a fascinating thing it was to behold his spell-making.

phantasmoeldiablo:

I once witnessed an individual who could, at will, join and then separate two brass rings, all without breaking them. Additionally, thrice I observed him making a bouquet of flowers appear out of thin air.

Of course we hanged him for his sorcery, but my what a fascinating thing it was to behold his spell-making.

2PM
phantasmoeldiablo:

Like most gentlemen, I would find myself enjoying the motion picture “Billy Jack” considerably more — and have been much more supportive of him during his subsequent trial — had he turned his anger towards those filthy hippies.

A few solid kicks to the side of their flower-loving heads would have done society a world of good.

phantasmoeldiablo:

Like most gentlemen, I would find myself enjoying the motion picture “Billy Jack” considerably more — and have been much more supportive of him during his subsequent trial — had he turned his anger towards those filthy hippies.

A few solid kicks to the side of their flower-loving heads would have done society a world of good.

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